As I posted my new post for my crochet blog, I realized that I had this blog. A blog that was dormant for over a year.
As I looked back on my posts, I cringed as I stared into the face of an angry woman. A woman who had been hurt, seen others dear to her hurt and she was angry. So angry that she released a torrent of abuse, claiming it was for the betterment of the world, claiming it was for equality, claiming that she didn’t view all men this way. But in the end, her hate burst through.
Why was she so angry? She had been in a church that told her self-worth was tied to a ring on her finger, that her God-given beauty was a shameful thing, that being a woman was to be despised. She watched her mother be abused by these teachings and the man that she had loved had ripped her heart out and smashed it into a million pieces far away from home.
Why does it matter that I write this? Why don’t I just erase what was said? Because this is the internet and people have read these posts, maybe not a lot of people. But even one person is too many. I don’t want someone to read what I have written in naivety and anger and use that against good men, Christian or not.
My life has changed significantly, God brought healing. He brought friends, teachers and eventually my husband. I still struggle with these issues and I probably won’t ever stop struggling with the hurt from the past. But my brothers who have done no harm shouldn’t pay for my pain.
Now I don’t mean to say that history is wrong. Women have been abused by men throughout history, that is true and it will continue to be so till Christ comes back to make all things new. But the point where I went wrong is that I wrote these essays in a biased manner that was abusive to men, who have also been made in the image of God. Sometimes it’s not what you did, but why you did it. The facts are correct, the sources are there, you can see them, but I wrote these in a meditated effort to spit back at those who hurt me and I ended up hurting innocent men.
So if you are a man reading these and feeling attacked. Please accept my humblest apologies.
If you are a woman who has been hurt by men and looking for ways to appease your anger. Please reach out to me. I would love to share my story in detail with you and give you encouragement.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Now one last note, you may wonder why I have left these posts up even after I have written this post. Because I want people to see that I have changed and that people can change. These hurtful words can be redeemed and you can see how God has changed my life.